Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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