Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
