Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
