PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
