Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
