there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
