I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think i have herpe
just one?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
