I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize