I wanna passion pit in your ass
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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