all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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