yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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