i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
