Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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