i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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