Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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