That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
