I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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