Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
