she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
