i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize