He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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