If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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