So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
