the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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