just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
