dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
