I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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