Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
