Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
