so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
