It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
