meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize