Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sex in a hospital.. check
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
