its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
