Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
