im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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