I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
