I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
