i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
