Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize