Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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