There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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