i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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