I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
