don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
