I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
