Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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