dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
