We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
