I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
