eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
