Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize