Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
