i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
