You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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