Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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