oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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