I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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