her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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