If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
