I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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