this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
