Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
