You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
