I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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