operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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