It was confusing and full of hummus
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your penis caused this!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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